At 16, she travels the world, speaking out personally against inaction to global climate change. She famously gave an earful to the gathered United Nations, accusing them uncaringly poisoning her generation. She was just recently named Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year.” And now, in a show of defiance to fight against who she refers to as: “The American face of ignorance and irrationality”, Greta Thunberg is going on a hunger strike until it is confirmed that Donald Trump is removed from the position of President of the United States.
Although the Democratic Congress has set the beleaguered President’s impeachment trial for early January, Thunberg insists she is ready to begin her protests now. Weighing in at just nearly 130 pounds, the diminutive teenager has been warned against such an undertaking by doctors and relatives alike, but is assured and unmoved:
This is what Gandhi did. I saw the movie. The balance of human life will outweigh the ignorance and douchebaggery of Trump. I will subsist for as long as I need on the elements in the air and the nutrients of the spirits that flow from mother nature through the wind. My will to heal this world is strong, stronger even than the antibiotics that Mrs. Trump ingests in order to sleep next to her husband without contracting an array of Herpes simplexes. I will prevail.”
Thunberg’s protest will begin this weekend after a gala ceremony thrown by Time Magazine to celebrate her honor. Her pre-fast menu will include tofu steaks grilled on sun-mirrors, broccoli “nuggets” fried in coconut oil heated by cow farts, and jello. Also in attendance will be the two runners-up for the award, Keanu Reeves, who wowed audiences by being John Wick a third time by acting under the influence of quaaludes, and Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones for surviving his 200th drug-induced heart attack.